Life's Mysteries Revealed... by Hannah

About a week ago, Hannah and I went up to hang out at Mom and Dad's. Great fun was had... And amid the Dirty Cheater Championship between Robin and I, a very interesting conversation took place. Essentially, Robin asked Hannah to explain what different things were, or how they worked. These things including concussions, heart attacks, what a "plate in your head" is, and my personal favorite: how to kill and cook a turkey. I finally had to go get a paper and pen to start jotting things down as fast as I could. I'm sure I missed a lot, though, so Robin may have to fill in some blanks... [Where necessary, I will note the prompting questions that Robin (R) or I (M) offered.]

#1. Hannah, what is a concussion?
H: It's something in your throat or your neck, or in your stomach. And it sometimes makes the person choke. So you want to get 'em to throw up. Or... you reach your hand in.
R: How far do you reach your hand in?
H: All the way til the thing that's making them choke. And then get it.
H: It's kinda like a seizure (pronounced see-jur).

#2. And what is a see-jur?
H: It's where the person's face turns blue or purple because they're not breathing. It's kinda like a heart attack.

#3. Oh... And what is a heart attack?
H: It's where people choke. And they have to start moving to do signals, or do sign language if you know it. **Here, she starts waving her arms over her head, to show how someone would indicate that they were choking. My writing gets a little iffy here, and I had to lie about why I was laughing so hard. The perils of having a really intuitive kid.**
H: Then the person chokes real bad, which makes their heart get messed up real bad. It happens sometimes when you choke...
(Apparently, choking is a real fear... Moving on.)
H: When a person chokes it affects the rest of their body.
R: Like what?
H: Like their blood tube.
R: (asking all the questions because I'm still unable to keep a straight face, let alone speak) What's the blood tube?
H: It's the big tube with blood in it. Well your body needs it (blood), but if your blood tube doesn't work, then your heart might get hurt. Like it's being attacked.
R: Attacked by what?
H: By no blood.

#4. What does it mean when someone has a plate in their head?
H: It's when one guy stabs another guy in the head with a plate. OR... it's when you cut a whole in the head and then put in a imaginary plate. It's a plate made of air. You know... like when everything's going wrong and it feels like something's stabbed your brain.

#5. What are x-rays?
H: It's where they flash a x-ray on you and then it shows what happened in your body. Like if you heard a crack in your knee, then you go to the hospital. And you don't move your knee on the way, just in case. Then you sign up for an x-ray doctor... to see if your knee is cracked or if it got hurt or broken. If it's not broken, the you ask what can help if it happens again. And if it IS broke, then you ask what you have to do... Like if you need to sign up for a different day.

#6. (Offered randomly, by Hannah) I know what shampoo is!
H: Shampoo has hair soap. It's like normal soap and then a little tiny drop of coloring, sort-of, to look like different colors. Mine's pink. And then a tiny drop of smelling. My mom always smells me after.

#6. What about conditioner?
H: In conditioner, the main thing is hair smoothing. It also has soap, but it's not the main thing. And it has smelling too. My new one is ocean breeze. It's basically the same as shampoo, but hair smoothing.

#7. (Another random offer) I know about lions!
H: Lions roar and look beautiful.
R: And do you know what a mane is?
H: It's the big, beautiful hair around their face, that poofs out real big.
R: Do all lions have a mane?
H: No. Only boy lions have the mane.
R: And which lions do the hunting?
H: The king lion does the hunting.
R: Actually, girl lions do the hunting. (A rare correction from Robin.)
H: Huh?!?! I thought they stayed home with the babies! Where they lick and clean them. But it's weird when it's a boy lion... cuz of the privates.

#8. (Last, but not least...) Hey Hannah, do you know how to kill a turkey?
H: You use a gun or a knife. You can stab it, but you might get blood on your hands. Or you can shoot it. But it's sad that most people shoot it in the head.
M: (getting my voice under control, but too busy writing to make eye contact) Yeah... that is sad.
R: (getting back to the task at hand) And then what happens?
H: Then, when it's dead, instead of picking it up with your bare hands, you can use a bag. A big, big bag. Like a leather bag that you can sew. And you'll want to use rubber gloves. [Thanks for being so safety-conscious, Bug!] Then you pick up the turkey and put it in the bag and take it home.
R: And how do you cook it?
H: Well, first you have to take off the fur.
R: And how do you do that?
H: You shave it or get it off with a knife or razor.
R: What kind of razor?
H: Like the kind my mom uses on her legs.
R: And then what?
H: Then you take off its head and feet.
R: And what do you do with them?
H: The feet, you can eat em. But you just throw away the head... Then you need to take out all the bones. And then you pull off the legs.
R: And what do you do with the legs?
H: You throw them away, or eat em.
R: And do you do anything else to the outside? What about the skin?
H: You leave the skin on. Well, sort of... There's lots of layers of skin, so you could use scissors to take off the fur, and then you leave just the one layer of skin.

We got interrupted here... too much giggling for such a late hour (sorry Mom!)... but I'm sure we'll be learning more from Hannah in the near future.

Thanks for taking care of the questions, Robin! You do much better at maintaining a curious, but calm composure! Did I miss anything?