Christmas Wrap-Up

I must admit that I thought our Christmas this year was going to be sparse... like unto Charlie Brown's Christmas. I had even been prepping Hannah ahead of time so she wouldn't be expecting too much this year. However, several of Santa's Helpers - and a family of elves - came out of the woodwork and helped to make this Christmas extra-special! Thank you so much for your kindness and generosity!!! (You know who you are!)

The "hall" of presents that Santa and the elves brought!

Thank you for my "iPod" Santa!

...and this is how the BACK of my new pants will look!

Does this make me a bad mom?

After opening presents, Hannah got to pick 3 toys to bring with her, and we headed up to Mom and Dad's house for a week of rest, refreshment, and relaxation. But first, we had to make it through some white-knuckle driving to get there - the roads were a mess, and it was a veritable blizzard in parts. But once we made it, we had TONS of fun! I read a few books and got some well-loved rest. We ate a lot of goodies, and then made up for it on Wii Fit (Mom and Dad's fun new Christmas toy). We also found time to do some sledding. Well, me and Mom watched while Dad, Gecky, Rob-Rob, and Bug did some sledding:

A sledding ninja!

Making it back up the hill was the worst part, but I love this pic!

Robin and Dad, preparing for the faces full of snow they're about to get!

The three girls, giggling before the fall...
We THOROUGHLY enjoyed your visit, Gecky!!!

Santa is on Jesus' Team

Yesterday, Hannah and I were on our way up to Mom and Dad's house for some caramel-making festivities. They're really nummy, so you should probably be jealous that you're not eating one right now.

Now, I generally prefer to drive in silence and just listen to music in the car, but Hannah prefers talking. A lot. Anywhere. So she bestowed an hour of wisdom on me while we drove. And I heard at least 30-45 minutes of it. Among others, here are 2 of the goodies I gleaned from the conversation:

1. Santa is on Jesus' team

Earlier this year, Ellie introduced us to perhaps the greatest game ever: Your Team-My Team. (I recommend the rodeo if you want a great selection for opposing teams. Amy and I had lots of fun there this last summer - I'm just sad that we didn't capture the subjects on film.)

Anyway, Hannah hears me play this game a lot and has surmised that I have a Boyfriend Team that is peopled with extremely handsome men. Excellent observation, Bug! She seems to have determined that Jesus also has a team. Of good guys. Of which, Santa is one.

2. Coal isn't fair

At some point during our drive, Hannah asked what Santa gets the "bad guys." I told her that bad guys get a lump of coal. This little gem followed:

H: What's a lump of coal?
M: It's like a big black rock.
H: Well that's not very nice.
M: That's for the naughty boys and girls, though. Good little girls and boys get presents. Remember?
H: But Santa shouldn't just give bad guys a rock.
M: What should he give em then... a spanking?
H: No. (a thoughtful pause) He should give them a bobble-head bad guy toy.

I'll be sure to send a memo to Santa and the Elves ASAP:


"New Policy - Effective Immediately!

Nix the coal. Get started building some "Bobble-Head Bad Guys" for immediate delivery.

Thanks,
Hannah's Mom

PS - Any excess diamonds from the coal surplus can be sent directly to me."

We're still here

Nothing new to report, but we are still alive... I'm wishing that we had gone on the recent visit to Mark and Ellie, et al with Mom, Dad, and Robin. Hannah and I are now the only members of the M clan who haven't held the new baby bird, Sylvie. We're trying not to pout about it.

I can't wait to snuggle this little bundle of cute!
Soon, I hope!

Bite me, please...

Ok, after a second viewing of Twilight, I must admit that I enjoyed the movie exponentially more. I could ignore all the subtle irritants and just enjoy the story (and the view). And Jasper's staring wasn't nearly as noticeable the second time around... I was able to chalk it up to the painful struggle not to bite people, like it was meant to be.

And I could appreciate Edward a lot more, too. Tee hee...


Yep, I definitely needed the second viewing. I might even need a third now... ;-)

Food comas, here we come!

We really like food! Here is a sampling of the goodness that we prepared - and are still enjoying via leftovers...

My relish tray...
The snap peas and olives got their own tray! Mmmm... :)

Robin's lovely centerpiece

Robin's apple pie - looks like a pro, eh?
See here for more details on the HAM situation...

I was in charge of the pumpkin cake this year. We missed you, Mark!
We tried to eat a lot of whipped cream on your behalf.

Our little gang, around the pretty table!

And to all of our friends and family that weren't here... You were missed! We hope you all had a lovely Turkey Day - full of food, friends, and fun!

And we hope to see you all again real soon!

Surprise visitor

On Tuesday (the 25th) Hannah and I were heading up to Mom and Dad's early. Since I have class in SLC on Tuesday nights, it didn't make sense to find a sitter for Tuesday night and then drive all the way back to Provo after class - only to drive back to SLC the next morning to spend our holiday with Mom, Dad, and Robin. So we decided to head up Tuesday and get a jump on the week.

The week before, however, I got a call about a possible visitor... Chris, my ex-husband and Hannah's dad, was going to be making deliveries in Vegas, San Francisco, and Sacramento the weekend before Thanksgiving and would be driving back on I-80 which would bring him through Salt Lake City. Since we weren't positive that it would all work out - weather, timing, etc. - Chris and I decided not to tell Hannah. (No need for unnecessary disappointment.) As Tuesday approached, though, everything fell into place. Chris would be arriving in SLC just about the time we would be. So he got a hotel a few minutes away from Mom and Dad's house, and I agreed to let Hannah stay the night with Dad as he'd be heading back to Missouri the next morning.

I told Bug we were making a quick stop before getting to Grandma and Grandpa's, and then we stopped by the hotel. He was out getting ice, which kinda spoiled the surprise, but she was still caught unawares... wondering what her daddy was doing in Utah. She was excited to see him, but still met him with a "What are YOU doing here?" greeting... It was kinda cute!

Hannah and Dad

It worked out fairly well, so that Mom and Dad wouldn't have to watch Bug while I was in class. And then I was able to go out with a couple of friends after class, instead of having to rush back home like I normally do. I went and picked her up the next morning, so that we could start baking with Grandma.

The best part was that Hannah got to spend time with her dad before the holidays. This was especially good since we're not sure yet whether he'll be flying her out for a visit at Christmas or not.

A rare smile from Chris, while Hannah pretended not to have a smile... Can't win.

I did get a smile out of her, but never both at the same time... Alas.
Check out her two front teeth growing in!

Don't judge a book by it's movie

Yes, I went to see Twilight this morning with Amy and another friend, Carolyn. We had been planning to take today off to go see Twilight, and even bought our tickets a few weeks ago. As our schedules recently opened up considerably, we made a morning of it!

I must admit that I was a little underwhelmed.

If you have not seen the movie yet and want to, then stop reading if you want to avoid a few spoilers (not that the storyline will be much of a surprise). Now, I recognize that book to movie transitions require a lot of changes, but I still have a few issues with the movie:
- Edward and the Cullens were not as reserved, inconspicuous, and distant as I was expecting.
- Bella managed to maintain a monotone for the entire movie.
- Jasper looked crazy, and not crazy-good.
- The infamous meadow scene was more awkward than it was romantical.
- They skipped the line-up of all three guys trying to ask Bella to the Spring dance, though it would have been easy and fun to include.
- The Cullens in the movie have strangely taken to the trees. Edward even calls Bella his "little spider monkey" and tells her to hang on while he leaps through the trees with her.
- Edward needs to work on his snarly angry face.
- The film came off as a bit low-budget, and kinda clunky... It felt like they didn't nail down the transitions and in-between scenes well enough.
- Much cheesiness occurred.

On the plus side:
- I LOVED the guy that played Charlie (Billy Burke). He might have been the best actor in the whole flick!
- Taylor Lautner (aka Jacob) mostly redeemed himself from his Shark Boy role. And should grow into a pretty good Jacob for any future films.
- The chemisty between Bella and Edward was pretty decent, which was a key redeeming quality for the movie.
- Robert Pattinson is still good-looking. And since I'd already gotten used to the idea of him as Edward, I could just enjoy the view.
- They did include a couple of funny clumsy-Bella moments.

I will admit that I unintentionally went in with higher expectations. I usually try to go in with really low expectation for movies of books that I love. I wonder if a second viewing would improve my level of satisfaction... Hmm. I might have to give it a try.

With any luck, they'll get a new director and screenwriter for the future films. The material from the books is good. They just need to figure out a way to edit it down to fit the time frame of a feature film... I'm available to help out, if they're short on staff! :)


Who else has seen Twilight? And what did you think? Am I being too critical, or no?

A rough week

Hello friends. I hope that you are all doing well. I've definitely been better. I got laid off this week. And out of the blue. In fact, it was worse than "out of the blue." It was in direct contradiction to what we had been repeatedly told by our managers. Several weeks ago, our managers called an impromptu meeting to let us know that we'd be seeing emails and hearing about upcoming layoffs. However, they emphasized that we shouldn't worry, as these layoffs would not be affecting our team. They reiterated this several times, in various meetings: layoffs would be announced company-wide during the week of November 11, but our team would NOT be affected, so don't worry. Just "keep being better than we've ever been."

Then, Wednesday morning, we got called into a sudden and mandatory all-hands meeting at 8:30 am. My friend Amy and I were making guesses about the purpose of the meeting before things got started. Amy figured that it was either layoffs or that one of our coworkers, Jay, was getting promoted. I looked around as people were still filing into the conference room and saw a couple of our managers sitting off to the side, laughing together. So I said to Amy, "Well I hope it's a promotion for Jay. If it's layoffs, then I'd like to note that the laughter is inappropriate."

A few minutes later, we were told that our team would, in fact, be affected by layoffs... effective immediately. We were instructed to return to our desks and get back to work... the affected team members would be called in and informed by their managers. It was like a death watch. We all sat silently, waiting to see who would get a call and then leave their desks. I was called in 2nd or 3rd. I was told that in all of the budgetary cut-backs and outsourcing, my job had been eliminated. I was then escorted to my desk and out of the building. In total, 6 members of our team were laid off, including my wonderful friend, Amy. You can read her layoff story here. She includes some good points about our last supervisor, including his affinity for passing off work so that he could play World of Warcraft and other games at work, and his horribly disturbing habit of picking his face, and inspecting whatever he pulled off, while he talked to people. He was mostly a good-for-nothing hall monitor... milling around talking to people, keeping an eye on who was away from their desks.

Sadly, I found out later that our layoffs were explained a little differently to the rest of the team after we left. The remaining team members were called in around 11:30 for info about moving forward. After some fake tears by our inarticulate and underqualified director, the team was told that the layoffs were not personal, but were determined by performance. The managers indicated that they had taken all of the SCORE cards for our team, and laid off the bottom 6 performers. However, I know that this is not entirely true (if at all), as several lower-performing team members are still there and I'm out of a job. There were members of the team that weren't familiar with our product lines or typical research procedures, and they're staying while I was let go. One lady couldn't even find the on/off button on her laptop, but she's still there. I was the go-to girl for the Wise Solutions line of products and arguably the best person at compiling the difficult and often confusing purchase histories for Wise customers. Sales associates in our European and Asian sales offices frequently asked me for help, as did members of my own team, to no avail. Part of me hopes that they will struggle now that I'm gone... like a posthumous admission that I was a valuable member of the team...

Sorry if I come off a little bitter. I am.

I echo Amy's sentiments for the other 5 employees that were laid off. I wish you well in your searching. May we all find excellent and stable employment right away. I've struggled in this job, and have been irritated with my managers for quite some time, so I'm trying to appreciate the positive changes that are bound to come from this. And, if all goes well, I'll be able to find a job in SLC and be able to move at the same time. Until then, I'm trying to keep things as stable and normal for Hannah as I can.

Thank you, sincerely, to all of the family and friends that have offered kind words and prayers in our behalf. I have felt and appreciated your love and concern for me and Hannah. Thank you! I hope to have good news of a well-paying and more-enjoyable job soon!

Results

For those of you that wondered about my 2 truths and a lie, here's the truth:

1. I DID make "porpoise love noises" with my friend Eric in the trunk of Shana's car on the way to the movies. We couldn't attend TWIRP since Shana's date got suspended a day before the dance for having illicit paraphernalia in his backpack. Shana and Dan probably would have left us in there, too, if I hadn't had the movie tickets in my back pocket... I feel the love!
- Fret not. The "noises" were made by Eric squealing into a plastic cup which ended up sounding like a dolphin. He thought it was hilarious, and called it "porpoise love noises." He liked to give inappropriate names to perfectly innocent activities. Thanks, Eric!
- Oh... and TWIRP stands for The Woman Is Responsible to Pay. It was like a casual Sadie Hawkins dance. And lots of fun!

2. This one's the lie... well, technically. I did want to have my own boutique and my own clothing line, but the Fashion Merchandising major was closed by the time I got to BYU. In fact, I never declared a major at all while I was at BYU. My first declared major was at American River College: English Teaching - so that I could teach High School English. Let me know if you ever have a British or American Lit question... I'd be happy to help! :)

3. Yes, we stole a flashing workhorse-type sign. We were TP-ing Scott K's house and decided on an additional last-minute lawn ornament. I think we broke his tree, too. Nice job, Michelle. Way to express your undying love and affection... by breaking his little tree.

Good times.

quirky

Ok - I read a fun post about quirks after reading Celia's most recent Reader Appreciation Day post on Cynthia. So I thought I'd post a few of my own quirks (in no particular order):

1. I have a specific set-up with my pillows in order to be comfy for bed. And I get quite fidgety and upset if Hannah climbs in and messes it up.

2. I have to chew the same amount on both sides. So I either bite my food in half and chew some in each side, or I alternate bites... One bite on the left side, the next bite on the right side, and so on. But the bites have to be roughly equivalent in mass, so that I feel that things have been distributed equally.

3. I like air movement. Even now - November in Utard - I have a fan on 24 hours a day. I even turned my A/C back on a couple of weeks ago, when things warmed up a bit. In fact, my fan on my desk is on right now and aimed at my face, because it got a little warm and stale in our office.

4. I HATE being hot. I can't sleep when I'm hot and I get uber-cranky...

5. My daughter, Hannah, knows that there are 4 things that make Mommy cranky: being tired, being hungry, being hot, and/or Hannah not being in bed on time. Any combination of these 4 catalysts, increases my crankiness exponentially.

6. I have a stash of "possibly necessary" items at my desk which includes, but is not limited to: super glue, extra "girly" supplies, toothbrush and toothpaste, floss, mouthwash, first aid kit, sewing kit, lint roller, deodorant, pain meds, allergy meds, non-drowsy cold/sinus meds (of the Dayquil variety), return address mailing labels, stamps, envelopes, crackers, candy, soup, breakfast bars, various other food items, and a cache of plastic cutlery, napkins, saucers, bowls, and cups.

7. Eating foods that have a disproportionate ratio of creamy substances to solid materialmakes me gag. For example: eclairs, cream puffs, whipped cream on my shakes or sundaes, and most pies. That just makes us better friends, though, because I'll gladly give mine to you! And Mom loves it because she can sometimes sneak my excess frosting that I've scraped off of my cake or cupcake.

8. Watching other people eat such super-creamy things (like Mark having a spoonful of whipped cream) can induce my gag reflex, by proxy.

9. Hearing other people brush their teeth gives me shivers up my spine... Mom - I love you, but I have to wait to talk to you until you're done brushing...

10. I don't like being on speaker phone. In certain situations - like an announcement to a group of people, or if asked for my permission, I can tolerate it... but, in general, I dislike being put on speaker phone.

11. Oh - and I LOVE people-watching. I might even ad-lib a conversation for them - sometimes with accents! Or I'll mutter general announcements about a given person - like a sometimes-quiet PSA. These PSA's could be on various topics: the advantages of wearing a bra, the downsides of in-breeding, the benefits of pulling up your pants or monitoring your children in public, etc. Just ask Amy... during one lunch break, she threatened to leave me at the mall food court if I didn't cut it out (or at least talk quieter). Well someone had to tell those kids they looked ridiculous.


So - what are some of YOUR quirks?

I should book our next dentist appt now...

I hope you all had a lovely Halloween! I know we did!!! :)

I picked Hannah up from school - a first, since I'm normally at work. They had a costume parade - Hannah was so surprised to see that I was there. Then we went trick-or-treating at Mom's work, where we had to empty her pumpkin just so she could fill it up again:

The haul from Mommy's work . Note all the full-sized candies! (minus some treats eaten in the car on the way to Cindy's)

We skipped the second building, limiting ourselves to most of the three floors of my building, and then went to Cindy's house. Cindy is in school with me, which is fantastic so that I don't go crazy or quit school... or worse! (dun dun dun...)

While at Cindy's we made home-made pizzas. More accurately, Cindy made super-delicious home-made pizza and we ate it! Then Hannah went trick-or-treating with Ashton, Corbin, and Cindy's hubby Chad. They were out for a couple of hours and went to tons of houses. Pickle Man Pete was Hannah's favorite house! Of the provided choices, Hannah picked the pickle on a stick, like most kids in the neighborhood do each year. It was between the pickle and random junk that he collected throughout the year (a magazine, a shark magnet, a rookie card of a nobody, and something football related - according to Chad). He had already run out of hard-boiled eggs by the time Hannah's group got there...

Hannah, with Ashton (werewolf), Corbin (lion), and Wigget (mini teacup Poodle - so no sneezing. Yay!!!)

Hannah's haul from Cindy's neighborhood

(Doesn't include her pickle-on-a-stick, as she consumed that immediately!)

Hannah fell asleep within 20 minutes of getting in the car. Then I had to make her walk in the house which was apparently a confusing task (and a bit hilarious for me to watch!). Upon entering the house, she stumbled into the bathroom for a little pit stop and promptly burst into tears. I managed to walk her through washing her hands and locating pajamas... then she laid down and was comatose within seconds. Whew!

We'll wash off the blood and white makeup tomorrow... No worries!

Sorry we missed coming to see you Mom and Dad! We wanted to come hug your necks and kiss your faces, but Hannah was just getting back from trick-or-treating when it was hitting your bed-time... We'll have to save the hugs and kisses for next weekend!

The candy pics above did not take into account the candy from the ward Trunk-or-Treat, as that had already been added to the candy bowl at the house... PS - Didn't Nancy's and Will's costumes turn out cute? Well-executed creativity, I must admit! Excited about a baby anyone??? :)

A look back

Warning: There are no fascinating pics on this post. Just a look back at one of the formative events of my life... And since I don't think I've ever really documented the events of that night, I'm taking that opportunity now. Sorry for the length!
-----------------------

I would wager that, for most of you, Halloween 2003 was just another Halloween night - filled with costumes, fun, and candy. But Halloween 2003 was probably the most frightening night of my life... one that I will not soon forget.

Five years ago tonight, I left my husband.

I'd been preparing for it for weeks. I had been unhappy for most of the 3 years of our marriage, but I was committed to seeing it through - hoping every day that things would get better. For the 6 months prior to my leaving, I'd spent every fast Sunday praying that I could love him more or that I'd know what to do to fix things. Eventually, I started praying to know if I had done enough, so that I could be free to leave. Despite all my own suffering and the heartache of leaving my 3 stepkids, the final straw came when I realized that it was not ok to raise my daughter in that kind of an environment. I didn't want her to think that it was ok to treat other people with so little respect. And, likewise, I didn't want her to think that it was ok to let other people treat her with so little respect. So we had to go.


At the time, Chris was working the midnight shift at a local gas station, so when he'd leave for work, my night's work would just begin. Since I wasn't sure when or how my escape would happen, but I knew that it would likely be rushed, I started collecting and boxing things early. And on each box I wrote and circled a small red number - indicating the importance of that box. Thus, if I could only get one box out, I'd take box #1, if I could get 2 boxes, then #1 and #2, etc...

And since the basement often leaked and was thus acceptable only for storage use, I hid my boxes down there. And it was easy to explain away my new project if he saw anything... I was just "going through stuff" to remove clutter and de-junk. He abhorred clutter, so that worked fine. And he couldn't be bothered to check on boxes in the basement, so I wasn't too worried.

Now, Chris was scheduled to work on Halloween night, so I planned to meet my friend, Sarah, who would be visiting her parents in a nearby town. After some explanation about making sure that Hannah had fun and noting how long it had been since I'd seen Sarah and the kids, Chris approved it for me to take Hannah trick-or-treating with Sarah's kids and then spend the night with them at her parents' house, though this sort of thing would not normally be permitted. (Sarah was also my former VT companion in our Florissant, MO ward - before we moved to Tilden, IL.)

Now, Sarah and I had been planning my escape for a few weeks in advance, despite several hiccups along the way. She knew quite a bit about the situation with Chris and some of the abuse that had gone on, so when I told her that I was finally done and would be leaving him, she had offered to help in any way that she could. So here's the plan that we came up with:

- I'd go to work like normal, but bring a small suitcase (typical for an overnighter, so inconspicuous).
- Chris would bring Hannah to me at work, and Sarah would pick me and Hannah up from my work - halfway between her parents' home and my house in Tilden.
- Sarah and I would take the kids trick-or-treating like normal and then go back to her parents' home.
- We'd put the kids to bed and (try to) have a relaxing evening.
- Chris usually left for work around 10:30, so we'd wait until midnight to go back to my house.
- We'd leave the kids with Sarah's parents while we went back to my house to collect what we could.
- We'd collect everything and then go back to her parents' house to get everything sorted and situated.
- The next morning, Sarah would take me and Hannah to the St. Louis airport, where my parents had 2 tickets waiting for us - direct flights to Sacramento.
- And then Hannah and I would be safe, and free to start over.


My biggest fear came on Halloween day. I had gone to work like normal - with some extra items in my suitcase (glad he didn't go through my bag) - and had touched base with Sarah and my mom, to confirm that I was ready to go... I also informed my bosses at work, so that they would not be expecting me on Monday. The scary part came when I was waiting for Chris to bring Hannah to me. Sarah was already there, which meant that he was running late. I got really worried that he would know something was up and not bring her to me. Not just worried. I got panicky. Luckily, he showed up and we got her transferred over to Sarah's car with no problems. Chris told me later that he knew something was up when I just waved goodbye instead of giving him a hug and a kiss goodbye. Oh well - I couldn't fake it anymore.

So off we went. I was nervous the whole night, but more from anxious jitters than fear at that point. I was finally putting my plan into action - and taking action felt really good. I just wanted everything to go smoothly. Luckily, trick-or-treating in the cold October air of Illinois helped offer an easy excuse for my intermittent shaking. I remember that Hannah made quite a haul on the candy that night. She was not yet 2 and went dressed as a fuzzy bumble bee. And most people just ate it up!


Then it came time to put the kids to bed and start our evening plans. Luckily, the kids were pooped, so they all fell asleep pretty quickly and we started making some hot chocolate. Little did I know, but Sarah's parents had helped a few other women escape dangerous environments before. They were a great calming influence during the hours of waiting - and her dad even gave me a blessing, to help me feel safe and calm.

Once it got close to midnight, we started getting ready to go. I remember tucking Hannah in and then praying with all my might for Hannah's safety while I was gone, which could be a few hours with traveling. I remember asking that my Mom's parents could please come watch over her while she slept but that, if they were busy, any angels would do... Perhaps that seems silly, but I knew that G&G Hill would take care of her... which they did.

So I watched her sleep for a moment and then kissed her quickly and left with Sarah - praying that everything would go ok so that I could return to my little girl soon.


One stipulation that my parents made was that I not go back to my house in Tilden without the police. While I thought this was unnecessary and embarrassing, I had promised my parents that I would. So I called the local police department, and Deputy Bobby agreed to meet me and Sarah and accompany me to the house.

The real terror came when I pulled into the gravel driveway and saw that our van was still there. It was now past midnight and Chris hadn't gone into work yet. I considered abandoning the idea, and even made Sarah back up and pull down the street a bit. Deputy Bobby pulled up next to Sarah's van and asked me what the trouble was. I replied that Chris was still there... To which Officer Bobby asked, "Isn't that why I'm here?"

This was when I realized that I'd have to face my problem head on and let the chips fall where they may. So we went back and pulled into the driveway. I don't remember walking up to the back door (no one uses their front doors), but I remember having to push hard to get the door open. It always stuck. And then most everything else is kind of an out-of-body memory... like I'm watching another person's experiences...

I vaguely remember worrying about where Chris would be and what he would do. That worry was quickly put to rest when he stepped quickly toward the back door from the adjacent bathroom. Nude because he was about to take a bath, he came out with his fists up - ready to attack whoever was breaking into his house. And then it was almost sad. His fists dropped and I could see that he knew what was happening. He went back into the bathroom to put on some pajama pants, and then went into the living room.

The rest I just remember in pieces: I went into the basement to retrieve luggage and my boxes and Officer Bobby asked me if Chris had any weapons that he should be aware of. I didn't know where the machete and the baseball bat were (his preferred urban weapons - and probably next to the bed), but I didn't think they'd be a threat tonight... I remember gathering what I could - primarily Hannah's things and some of my clothes. I remember looking for Hannah's shoes and seeing them by Chris's feet, so I figured I'd get her new shoes. I remember leaving my yearbooks and photographs, and praying that Chris wouldn't burn them when I left. And I remember finding Sarah and Officer Bobby outside on one of my trips to the van. They were doubled over, laughing hysterically, because Chris was crying on the phone to his first wife, Chrissy. It was ironic and a bit laughable now, but I just hoped he wouldn't hear them laughing and decide to kill us all.

And I remember Chris's dejected realization that there was no guarantee that I'd be coming back. I'd told him that I wanted to leave a week or so before, and had gone through hell during that time - as he remembered and wanted to discuss many of the horrible things that he had done to me. I spent many sleepless nights telling him anything I could, just to make him stop. I'd managed to block a lot of those memories for a long time, so dredging all of it up again was fairly painful. And it was just a foreshadowing of the months to come: reliving old horrors in therapy, and saying anything that it took to get through the months of manipulative phone calls until the divorce was final.

After an hour or so of packing things up, I said goodbye to Chris, thanked Officer Bobby for his help, and Sarah and I drove back to her parents' house where I thanked Heavenly Father for watching over my sweet Hannah while I was away. I slept much better that night, but I could not relax until I was safe behind the security checks at the airport, and on my way home.

The next few months are fuzzy in my memory. But I remember the Maher ICU, where I was allowed to recover in peace. And where Hannah and I were fed regularly... They didn't like how skinny we'd both become. Now I long for those skinny (albeit malnutritioned and unhealthy) days.

And, believe it or not, I'm grateful for everything that I went through. I'm a stronger woman today because of it. And I got my angel Hannah from all of that - and I wouldn't trade a thing for her. And Chris and I are even friendly now - letting the past be the past...

I dare say that I've come a long way! (And so has he.)

I was TAGGED!

My sister Nancy tagged me on her blog today - with a game of 2 Truths and A Lie:

The rules...

1. Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog.
2. Share 2 true facts about yourself and 1 lie.
3. Tag 4 people at the end of your post by including links to their blogs.
4. Have people guess which one out of the three is false.

Here are my 2 truths and a lie. Guess what you think is false... I'll confess what I have/have not done in a few days.

1. I've made porpoise love noises with a boy friend, while locked in the trunk of a moving car.
2. My first declared major was Fashion Merchandising, at BYU, hoping to have my own clothing line and boutique.
3. Me and some friends stole a flashing road sign in the cover of night and deposited it on the lawn of a friend we TP'd.

And here's who I'm tagging:

1. Amy
2. Mallory
3. Cindy
4. Jen

Can you spot my lie?

Rations

Sometimes, I give Hannah too much information. I'm willing to admit that. And now I'm getting to pay for it... by not getting to partake in some of my favorite beverages.

They have been replaced... by these:

Because THIS little person is rationing my caffeine intake...

For now, I'm allowed "2 Mommy-Cranky-Juices" (aka: caffeinated beverages) per day, but she was clear to specify that I can't carry unused "caffeines" over to the next day. The 2 that are currently allowed will drop to 1 in a couple of weeks, and then none. After which we will ween me off of soda altogether, using the same 2 to 1 to none method.

The only ration-free sodas for now are Sprite and some root beer. "But root beer is a lot like a caffeine, so you shouldn't have too many."

My available replacement beverages are milk, juice, and water - with an emphasis on juice and water. And I'm supposed to drink more water, even when I still get my 2 caffeines.

Now when did she get so smart? If it wasn't such a good idea, I'd tell her to knock it off...

Support our Troops!!!

There's not a lot that MTV does that I'd say is worthwhile, let alone support, but this is a rare gem. Our troops fight for our freedom... We need to support them in their service, and in their return to "normal" life!

Thank you to all our vets! We love you!!!

Choose or Lose

Halloween costume update

For those that don't know, Hannah was planning on being a rock star this year for Halloween.

Then, a couple weeks ago, she came to me and offered this argument: "Mommy (uttered a bit too disparagingly for my liking). Halloween is about dressing up as something that you're not in real life. (An astute observation for a 6-yr-old I thought.) But since I'm gonna be a rock star for real, I shouldn't dress up as one for Halloween. I think I should be a witch or a werewolf instead." I couldn't really argue with that logic, so I agreed to a change in costumes.

I gave it a solid week or so, asking her about it every couple of days, to see if she would change her mind. But the only thing that changed was that she decided to be a vampire instead of a witch. (The werewolf was out of the running as soon as she found out that it was more of a boy costume.)

So my little princess is going to be a vampire for Halloween. Is this some kind of evidence that she has a macabre sense of the world? Or is a fascination with biting people and sucking their blood normal for a 6-year-old?

I won't be this exact costume, so watch for pictures later!

Quite the coif!

Sometimes Hannah wakes up after I bring her downstairs on Tuesday nights. This is what she looked like last night... thanks to Ralph the Night-Hairdresser (and sleeping on Auntie Nancy's couch):

Sometime between 12:30 and 1:00am. Awesome.
Check out the eyes... Way too alert!

Wishes gone awry

The other day, Hannah and I were sitting on my bed - probably negotiating a bedtime - when we had this little interchange:

(I believe the conversation started by talking about spiders, which was apparently the subject of a former wish made on a star... That all of the spiders in the world would die. Have I mentioned that Hannah really dislikes spiders?)

H: But it hasn't happened yet.
M: (silently trying to conjure up a response)
H: I even waited 6 or 8 weeks, 'cuz you said some wishes take longer to come true.
M: Ok...
H: But it's been almost a year since I made that wish, and it still hasn't happened. I thought maybe after 8 months it would happen, but now it's been like 10 months.
M: (Still got nothin...)
H: I even said the whole poem!
M: Well, honey... Some wishes don't get to come true...
H: (ignoring me, and cutting me off) Maybe it was a world, and not a star.

I am sure that's what kept that wish from coming true (...not the fact that spiders are an unfortunate but essential part of the food chain).

Watch out, spiders, she's gonna locate a real star soon... And then it's GAME ON!

Friendship defined

Last night, roughly 3 hours past her bedtime (as usual), Hannah was regaling me with tales of friendship, merriment, and betrayal... Well, it was about her and 5 other 6-yr-old girls that are all "training" to be rock stars. Unfortunately, Hannah "had to kick one of the girls out of the group" because she sometimes liked to go play with the boys instead of practicing. The nerve! I mean, "we only have 3 recesses, and we're not in the same class, and not all of them go to Wunderkind (her daycare)." So, quite obviously, they should make good use of the time that they have together... But all of Hannah's yelling isn't making the other girls listen. (Don't worry - we talked about that part, too!) PS- I see trouble ahead for that other girl's parents... Already choosing boys over girlfriends...?

During this struggle with figuring out how to work with friends when things don't always go smoothly, Hannah offered this little nugget of wisdom about her friendship with one of the girls in the group:

"Camille thinks I'm a star. Not because I'm popular, but because of who I am. And I think Camille is a star, even though most people don't like her."

I've never been prouder.

I have a niece!!!

Hi friends! I am so excited to finally have a niece, so I have to brag a little... Mark & Ellie had little Sylvia Paige on Oct 6 at about 4:30 pm (California time). Even being 5 weeks early, she weighed in at 5 lbs 14 ounces, and 18 inches of cute. I had to steal this pic of her, but isn't she adorable!!!


Check out more pics on Paige's and Lenore's blogs... Thanks to Ellie's sisters for keeping us updated! We love you!

PS - I'm insanely jealous of all the Greenbaum doula's for getting to hold little Sylvie already!

Here are some more pics, courtesy of Paige and Nor:

Yes, Ellie is always this beautiful.

Mark, waiting...

Brand new Sylvie!

Mark and Ellie (still gorgeous after delivering), with their adorable new addition!

Welcome to the planet, Sylvie!!! We already love you!

Words from the wise (aka: Hannah)

As usual, Hannah and I were avoiding getting out of bed this morning, as that is quite obviously the most hateful part of the day... While I was trying to convince myself to get up and get ready, Hannah says, "Mommy... Since you're really smart, I'm gonna ask you a hard question."

Me: Ok. Ready.
Hannah: Does every single person fart at least once?
Me: Yep. [Considering that babies pass gas all the time, I think that covers it.]

a thoughtful pause...

H: Ok. I have an even harder one.
M: [awesome, because that last one was a bit of a gimme...]
H: When was John & Eve born?
M: Do you mean Adam & Eve?
H: Yeah.
M: [yep. good one. definitely harder.] I don't really know... We have recorded history that goes back several thousand years... So, before that.
H: (after a brief pause) Well I know when... 3,032 years ago.
M: (impressed, but expressionless) How do you know?

And then she just tapped her temple - as if to say, "It's all in here..."

You'd be surprised at everything that Hannah knows. I know I am... regularly! And I can't wait to find out what other gems are stored in that fabulous mind of hers...

Stay tuned!

When did I get old?

This last weekend, Hannah and I spent some time at Mom and Dad's house, just to get out of Dodge for a few days. Except Mom was on a business trip (still weird!), so it was Dad and Robin at home. At some point, Hannah decided to invite us all to play a quick game of Silly Dilly's with her. Just one problem: Dad and Robin have played and Hannah and I haven't. As a secondary issue, I've been experimenting with not just letting Hannah win. So I told Dad and Robin to play normal, which, unfortunately, they did. As a result, they had all the disks within 8 seconds, and Hannah and I may have had 3 between us. I didn't give a twit whether I had any disks, but Hannah broke down immediately.

As Hannah-tears contain the precise ingredients for clearing a room of Dad and Robin, Hannah and I had some alone-time to talk about it. She was sad that she didn't win, but mostly because she didn't know how to play the game and everyone else (ie: Dad and Robin) did. So I explained that it's just that they've played it before, when we hadn't... And not to worry about it too much. To which she responded, "Well, you have to remember that you guys are like a hundred, and I'm only 6!"

Since when??? Last I checked, I was 30. Now c'mon... Isn't that old enough for now?

Giving up

Do you ever get to that point where you just have nothing left to give and your world is falling apart around you? I'm there, and I can't win for losing.

Too good to be true

For those that don't know, I found a fabulous 3 bedroom, 1.5 bath townhome in Pleasant Grove that I was looking forward to moving into. I've needed a change in my life for a long time now, and this felt so right. It was perfect for me and Hannah. More room, a big kitchen with a dishwasher and a pantry. Plus, I'd be close to work, closer to school, and within 5 minutes of my girlfriend, Amy! Unfortunately, good things don't just happen for me... And, par for the course, this fell through. Apparently there's still something for me to learn/accomplish where I am at - which I can't even bring myself to think about right now. I have no energy or desire to learn a lesson, so I guess this one might take a while...

Hope you all are well.

Finally official...

Ok, since she's finally announced it, I feel safe echoing that my sister, Nancy, is prego! After some struggles and sadness, she and Will are gonna be parents! They're due on my birthday (that's March 31st, in case you want to send me a present later!). :)

She's through her first trimester now, which makes us all very happy!!! And if you want to see a bunch of cute pictures of her little peanut, check out Nancy's blog here.

Congratulations, Nancy and Will!!!

Be sure to fill Hannah in on the news. She will be SOOOO excited! Especially since I keep refusing to have a baby sister for her to play with. Perhaps we need to review the process... First, I need to meet a guy...

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth...

Look what happened at school today.

Check out the new grill!

I'm growing up!!! Yay!!!

(And Mommy is panicking just a little... It all starts with losing the front teeth. Training bras and "the facts of life" can't be far behind... Egad!)

More Hannahisms

Ok - The other night, during a mutual bout with insomnia, I vetoed the Disney channel in favor of the Discovery channel. So I was watching a show about dinosaurs - I think it was the Dinosaur Mummy show (really cool, by the way!). In an effort to assuage any potential fears about dinosaurs, I reminded Hannah that the video of dinosaurs was just a drawing, because dinosaurs are extinct now. She replied (rather quickly), "Oh I know. Because of all that rain."

Me (stifling a laugh and a smile): What rain?
Hannah (matter-of-factly): All that rain. It turned into mud.
Me: (stunned pause - Where is she getting this from???)
Hannah: It flooded and so they all drowned.
Me: (still paused)
Hannah: Plus, it was just time for the dinosaurs to die. People were coming alive (later specified by Hannah as "getting born by Heavenly Father & Jesus"), and they didn't want the dinosaurs around. [insert an implied "you know..."] ... so the babies could live.
Me: (waking from my proud stupor, and reaching for a pen and paper to document this moment) Oh. Well that's good they weren't there anymore then.
Hannah: Yep.

Later, still in the throws of this recent insomnia (did I mention that I need a massage???), we watched a second dinosaur show (Dinosaurs: Return to Life - watch a portion here) about the possibility of cloning dinosaurs through the genetic manipulation of chicken eggs, etc. Part of this show also included more CGI videos of "typical" dinosaur life (since we were there and know what that was like, obviously). One such video depicted 2 or 3 dinosaurs as scavengers, eating a larger dead dino. Again I explained that these videos were basically drawings of what we think it was like during the time of the dinosaurs. After watching for a moment Hannah asked, "Why are they eating the blood of each other?"

Me (trying to make scavenging sound less horrible): They're just eating the meat. Because they're hungry... It's just meat.
Hannah (after a second to ponder that): Wait! Am I made of meat?
Me: Yes. We all are.
Hannah (decidedly): Well I hope they don't make the dinosaurs again then.

True. Who doesn't remember Jurassic Park? That didn't exactly end well, now did it...

Hannah-isms

"Big-year-old" - I think this is anyone over the age of 5, but not quite a grown-up.
Usage: "Babysitting a big-year-old is a lot different than watching a baby." (see below)

Another awesome Hannah statement came about last night. The good ones seem to happen when Hannah should be sleeping, but isn't. So, again, Hannah was having trouble sleeping, this time due to some anxiety about something that happened several months ago. We were talking through it (again) and I must have said something about learning more as we get older, because Hannah's much more memorable response was, "But I'm 6 now. I don't need to learn anything else. (sniffing and wiping more tears) I already know about digits and consonants and vowels..." I tried to control my expression, and confessed that I'm 30 and I still have tons to learn. She whirled to look at me, mouth agape, with purely innocent shock and unbelief on her face. It was adorable! I did my best not to laugh out loud, but I fell a bit short of the mark. So I proceeded to teach her the Socratic truth (or was it Aristotle?) that the more we learn, the more we realize how much we don't know yet. I'm pretty sure she got it.

Then, this morning Hannah started talking about Auntie Nancy, quite out of the blue. Let me preface this moment by saying that Auntie Nancy watches Hannah on Tuesdays while I go to class. Not always a happy day for Hannah, because Mommy is gone till after bedtime, so I told Hannah several weeks ago that one of the reasons why Nancy likes watching her is that it's good practice for whenever Nancy and Will have kids of their own. So this morning, while we're driving to daycare, Hannah says, "You know, Mommy... if Nancy wants to babysit, then she should find someone that needs to be watched every day. Because it's really different than watching a kid just one day. Cuz if she has her own kids then she'll have to have control every day, not just on Tuesdays. Plus, watching a big-year-old is different than having a little baby. And when she has kids, they'll be babies at first. Well, I guess she gets to watch babies sometimes, too... but maybe she should find a baby that she can watch every day...." These are the times when I sit back, don't comment, and just listen to her pontificate. It's generally quite interesting, albeit longwinded. Luckily we pulled up to her daycare just a few minutes later, so the "discussion" had to be cut short. I said something like, "I'm sure Nancy will do just fine, but that's nice that you're thinking of her." Something to indicate that I'd been listening and to show my encouragement for compassionate concern, and then promptly end the conversation so that she can go to her classroom and I can head to work.

Good times... and enlightening, as always.

Word of the day

Anuptaphobia: Fear of staying single.

Not a debilitating fear, but it's there... in the background. I'm fairly certain that I do not suffer alone, though, so that's comforting.

A precious moment

Tonight, while she was filling up her water bottle (when she should have been sleeping still), Hannah called to me and said quite matter-of-factly, "Mommy, you're pretty."

I replied with a sincere thank you.

She went on, "I mean, even just in your garmies... you're beautiful."
(Not true, but a sweet sentiment, and appreciated nonetheless.)

I said, "Well, thank you, sweetie."

Then she added, "Technically, it's because you're wearing your face."



No response. Just a smile and a warm fuzzy... Sometimes I'm not sure that I deserve her. I might be the luckiest Mom ever! :)

Boyz II Men - ABC - BBD...

On Thursday of this last week, Amy told me that her sister-in-law, Lynn, had an extra ticket to a local concert and asked if I wanted to go. The ticket was free, so I wouldn't be out any cash either way. When I found out the ticket was for a Boyz II Men concert, at the Scera outdoor ampitheater in Orem, I was still iffy... But when the sitter situation fell into place, I decided to go. In addition to the concert tickets, though, we also had passes for a meet-and-greet before the concert, where we had dinner and got to meet the guys and get our pictures taken. So here's a pictorial review of my evening:

The men of Boyz II Men at the meet-and-greet

...with me!!

... with Amy and her hubby, Levale

...with Lynn. Thanks again for the tickets!

Our little group, with Alex Boyer, an LDS singer with a great British accent.

We saw him at the meet-and-greet also.

A close up of Amy and Levale. /le-vah-lay/ Aren't they adorable?!?!?!

Me and Amy in our seats.

It was a little crowded... over 4000 tickets sold.

Lots of fodder for Your Team, My Team!!!

Our seats were pretty close to the stage...

The guys looked classy, and they put on a good show!
I was pleasantly surprised, as it was much better than I expected.