Figuring things out

So I usually like to joke around a lot and keep things on the surface, but every now and then I reflect on things to see what I've learned. I figure it's my history, but the principle is the same: those who don't learn from the past are doomed to repeat it. And there are moments in my past that I'd do anything to avoid repeating, so I better be learning as I go... So, despite being a slow learner at times, here are some things that I've figured out about me and my little world:

1. If I can't muster a laugh, then something is wrong.
2. If I'm mad at, or feel frustrated or hurt by someone, then I can't look them in the eye.
3. Eyes tell a lot, so I avoid eye contact when sharing something extremely personal.
4. Tommy Boy was a stroke of comedic genius.
5. I deserve to be treated with love and respect. And so does everyone else...
6. I've made some bad choices, but I am stronger and wiser because of them.
7. Motherhood is hard - especially alone.
8. I don't need a man in my life in order to have personal value. But I can still want a man in my life.
9. Marriage is the time to be picky.
10. You can take on a project (crafts, fixing up a house, etc.), but you shouldn't marry one.
11. I'm happier when I'm thinner, but I love food. How do I reconcile that?
12. Shutting off my emotions was essential to protect myself from bad things that were happening at the time. Turning them all back on has proven somewhat more difficult.
13. Spirituality can be very emotional. A lack of sensitivity to emotion can create a lack of sensitivity to spirituality.
14. All men are not responsible for one man's actions, and they shouldn't be punished for them.
15. I don't know how to fall in love.
16. I desperately want to travel the world.
17. I'd love to be on a writing team for a sitcom.
18. I have no idea how to be on a writing team for a sitcom.
19. I've never had a loving relationship with a guy.
20. Some of the losses in my life are the result of my choices.
21. The future is full of possibilities.
22. Even bad things in life can bring beautiful gifts.
23. Regret doesn't change the past, so let go and move on.
24. Friends keep me going.
25. Watching a baby sleep is like peeking into heaven.
26. A sincere compliment brightens my day.
27. I feel happier in a clean and orderly environment.
27-a. When I feel crazy and cluttered on the inside, my environment changes to match it.
27-b. Criticism of my environment hurts me to the core.
28. Criticisms and judgments are remembered long after they are given.
29. Kindnesses and loving gestures can be quickly forgotten in the rush of life.
30. The sound of moving water calms me. It also makes me need to pee.
31. Under the surface, old "tape recorders" remind me that I'm not good enough. And those are hard to drown out.
32. My brain knows that I have inherent value, but Pretty Woman is right: "The bad stuff is easier to believe."
33. I want to be a happy, confident, successful person, so I can choose to make that happen.
34. I like the combination of tans, beige, and chocolate brown. I also LOVE sapphire blue. These colors are calming and natural for me.
35. I'm tired a lot, and I miss having nap-time. Never mind preschool - start having nap-time at work!
36. I don't trust a lot of people.
37. I love the smell of 5 a.m., but I love the warmth and security of my pillow and blanket even more.
38. I like to visit and play in the snow, but I don't really enjoy living in it.
39. If I could live anywhere, I'd move back to California. I love it there! And I'd love to raise Hannah there.
40. I would love to have fresh flowers in my house year-round.
41. I want to learn to read hieroglyphics.
42. I want to make a difference.
43. I love to feel needed.
44. I like to be the expert at something - even if it's something dull and ordinary to others.
45. There is good in everyone if you look close enough.
46. I've got a lot more to learn.